Ok, I didn't have a title idwa, so...banana.

I haven't written in forever, basically because my mom doesn't have her computer running at home and I haven't had access.. :-( Life's rough in j-town yo. lol. I had fun Thanksgiving break tho, caught a hockey game, went shopping alot, visited the fam and friends :-) good times. I'm a bit glad to be back tho-I missed the house and my shower haha. When I got back I was in this big rush and I noticed something. The tv was on the floor...then I looked around. All of Dustin's stuff was gone. He moved out. No notice, no nothing. I was a bit pissed because at least he could have called me and said hey I'm leaving or something. Whatever. At first I felt bad, now I'm just pissed because he chooses not to return my calls or ims. And he needs to bc hes still obligated to pay rent. UGH. What drama. BUT...we started redecorating the house and it looks sooo cute...and there may be a new potential roommate 2nd semester...woot. Oh well, I got work to doo. cya.

Holler. mm it smells like those delightful sugary coated almonds I get at Pens games in here...mmmm. Why you might ask? I have no friggin clue.

The office is extremely cold today and my throat is feeling a tad sore :-( RAH! A mere exam, meeting, and 2 1/2 days of classes stands in the way of Thanksgiving break. Oy.

So my random thoought of the day...what compels people to talk about others that they don't even know? Actually, in general...talking about anyone badly. Everyone does it. I do it even. People say often it is either jealousy or a mean spirit. Or then theres the "they are so bored with their own lives" excuse. But then I think about why I talk about people. I'm not mean spirited...seldom am I jealous unless they have something I want...so, am I bored with my own life? hmmm.
....me thinks yes......

I am bored...slightly...

hmmmm.....


"I don't blame you for being you .But you can't blame me for hating it." -Fall Out Boy

Old friends, gossip, waste a test, crushes, THAT guy. Please. College is high school in pretty wrapping. Only this time its more rough, because you have less to fall back on. Just an insight.

Ok, so Thanksgiving break is coming! woot! I really really want a 2nd job. Not b/c I like love being busy, but because I love having extra money to blow on luxuries. hehe. It's rough tho because I have like xmas break coming up too, so it would be pointless getting a job here and a holiday job at home wouldn't work bc I won't be home enough. yucks.

I'll figure it out tho.

I have a bit of a man situation. Like too many men. Don't ask. B/c I don't even know...more later...






I'll never act my age, but you can tell by the lines in my smile that I have been around for awhile. So, insecurities are about as useful as trying to put the pin back in the grenade. -incubus

ARGH! Ok so I dyed my hair last night. It turned out BLACK. So this morning I woke up early and put highlights in. I don't think it looks that bad, in fact, I kinda like it. But everyone else, not so much. People aren't even joking about it...or saying anything...just...staring... Plus, I have my, uh, time of the month. Oh yeah, and the shit talk continues. I swear...ok, lyric break...

All that stuff about me
Being with him, can't believe
All the lies that you told
Just to ease your own soul
But I'm bigger than that
No, you don't have my back
No, no, ha

Ok, so people CONTINUE to think I'm a friggin homewrecker haha. Er, crush wrecker, I guess. So heres the deal. A certain person who I was semi friends with before then was accused of stealing someone she liked *ok he ended up liking me NOT her* and nothing ever came from it....* ims me. All nice and blah blah. Asking like how I'm doing and random stuff. Then its like "so do you have a bf now?" and I was like err here goes. This then led to an interrogation. THEN, said woman proceeds to tell all these people that she thinks I'm *somehow* in JOHNSTOWN, sneaking around with her crush, whom I don't think I've ever met. funny. Whatever. If thats what it takes to make yourself feel better for him *just not being that into you* then fine.

Sorry I'm in bitchy mode and that was a funny story.

Moving right along, tonight is my GSS activation!!! I busted ass and got all my interviews but 4, 3 of which I have plans to get before I go tonight! YAY! I'm so excited! :-)

**I just looked at the Chiefs website....this friday and Saturday are Camo jersey auctions! ahhh! Now I wanna go...anyone free on Friday?**

Ok, I have a retarded Boyz II Men song in my head :-\ Rah. hahaha. I've been studying up for my Gamma Sig FINAL tonight... ::bites nails intensely:: I hope I'll do alright. I still have a few other things to study but I'm saving my tree stuff for when we study with our bigs at 5. I'm so nervous. We're ALL nervous. I hope we all pass with flying colors! It's funny because I haven't studied this hard in a loooong time. I guess this means more than I thought it did! :-) F all the haters! :-p hehe. I'll just be glad when this exam is over...then it's time for "mystery fun" yaaaaayyyyy! THEN...RELAXATION! Until tomorrow of course, then a serice project, but THEN...relaxation allll weekend-BITCH! Ok time to go pick up my car from the shop and deliver Avon orders! MUAHZ!

"You know what moment I dislike intensely? It's the point when you can't lie to yourself anymore. It happens right when you notice that someone or something which you believed you either liked or were ambivalent about suddenly reveals itself to be of no interest whatsoever, and you get that rapid-fire lookback where you see each time you lied to yourself."

This comes from someone's blog. When I read it, it really hit home, and I had no other words to describe it but his.

Why do we lie to ourselves? Why do we tell ourselves "things will change" or "everything is perfect" when in reality things WON'T change and everything really is SHITTY? And we let ourselves live a lie for the longest time. And it makes us so unhappy, but we go on living it. Why? Because we are scared. We scare ourselves into lying to...ourselves. And we don't even know it. Usually after the fact we don't even know it, until it hits you like BAM.

Why is this important?

Well, to me it is because I have a real hard time lying to other people. I know some people are pros, but me, not so much. But I'm the master at lying to myself. Putting my life on hold for things and reasons because I'm scared. Because I take life way too seriously.
And this isn't one of those things where I'm like "I've come to a huge realization! Now I shall change!" Because change is hard. I'm not gonna lie to myself about that. Change is the hardest thing in life to do. And the hardest part of change (as cliche as it sounds) is realizing that you need a change. The second part: letting yourself be happy. Thats the basic reason behind change. You change for the BETTER. Or you try to anyway. Alot of people freak out halfway through and stop. Alot of people get impatient. Many are constantly seeking things, happiness, love, etc., when all along its usually right under their nose.

Life can be fun. There's no end all be all purpose to life. It's about the ride. Its about living each day, each moment, like it will be your last. Its about forgiveness, its about love, its about having no regrets (as much as you feel you were wrong). Its about having fun doing whatever it is your doing.

I don't know about you all, but I know its hard to live by these words everyday. But eventually, you just do. And you don't even have to think about them anymore because that's just how you live. I want to live my life like that...

Long time no write. It seems like every time I go to write something I stop myself. Or just stop writing and close the box. Tomorrow is Halloween. Part of me wishes I could go out and party. The other part....which is like 9/10ths of me as a whole, doesn't know what it wants. At all. I keep coming to these conclusions on things I feel, then because I don't like these conclusions or think I may be wrong, I force myself to think otherwise. I have such conflicting opinions on a certain matter. Sometimes I am happy and content, sometimes I'm miserable about it for a certain reason, and other times I'm forcing myself to retract the miserable feeling making myself even more miserable. I need some balls. To do what I need to do. I can't wait until Thanksgiving break-a new scene to clear my head and set myself straight.

I got my car here finally. My mom brought it out for me today. I drove it around some until it started leaking something :-\. UGH. The same happened to dave's car at first too so I'm hoping thats what it is. :-(

Oh well...Nothing really inspirational to write...probably not for a long time.

PS the 2 different horoscopes I look at everyday were the exact opposite of one another. Go figure.

I have gotten a wave in inspiration. From the past. My past. Way past. ;-) I have decided when all else fails, work out. A lot. It clears your mind and sets you straight. Oh yeah, and makes you super hot in the end! So yeah. I'm feeling inspired. By myself. Oh, and the fact that I'm going to Chiefs opener in TWO days! And looking for a car! I have been reminiscing so much lately about fun times at home. Sunday matinees with Dad, crazy times at Chiefs games and PARTIES, crazy sexy Chiefs guys, hanging out doing nothing at all the best places with my crews. ::sighs:: I have a feeling good times are ahead, of course only if I let them be.
Lots of GSS stuff is coming up. I have a formal Nov 11th and need a date. Imagine THAT! I have NEVER had to actually look for a dance date. They always just popped up. Soo, a lil stressful. But like, I need to chill. I think coming to college I forgot how to chill, plus dropping all my activities got me into time management trouble, so now having one or two back is a muy good thing. So yay! And HOCKEY is back which is the greatest thing in the world bc I missed it SOOO much! I just get this like crazy excited sensation when I'm at a game, or watching a game, or even talking about it.
Okie, time to get outta hurr-work is DONE for the day! woot! :-D

Aby is crazy. Completely off his f-ing rocker. Last night he punches a Nashville guy in the head, AND even leaves his friggin crease to check a guy into the boards! THAT is a goaltender, BITCH! :-p ALAS, the Avs lost, but still, they are number one in my heart. *note* Although his actions were amusing, in no way were they correct. Yeah, we all got a good laugh, but *soft hands* always win out in the end. I guess it's better he wasn't pushing around women tho, right? ;-)

In a totally unrelated story, I attended both of my classes today, AND practically memorized my sorority song :-). Class, was, uh, class, but went faster bc I couldn't look at my clock *my cellular is DEAD* and I was talking to the nice gentlemen around me ;-) who made an effort to ask "what are you humming?" LMAO. *note* I was humming the GSS Official National song...untitled lmao.

AND, this morning after getting off the bus I decided to be lazy and walk to the forbes elevator instead of trudging up the hill. There, lined along the road were 2 tour busses and a Nintendo Fusion Tour truck. I was like wow I wonder if they're in there. And they WERE! They got off the bus right as I was about to pass it and walked past....and said "hi" and "hey whats up" *pete* ::sighs:: so cute. lol. I was like holy shit the fall out boy guys (well 2 of them) just said hi to meeeee! Ahhh! I should have asked for tickets...damn. Starshock :-(

Alas, now I shall go make my schedule for next semester. Wish me luck... Then later hanging out with some hot chicas!! <3

I'm in Towers lab, waitin to go to my GSS meeting. The bastard bus drove right past me (grrrr) even after I ran after it :-( so I immediatly called a cab. And the driver? Crazy beer vender from the Pens and Pirates games! ya know, the old, skinny one! haha. Anyways, I am beginning to loathe public transportation... I can't wait to get my car!!! Hopefully getting it on the 22nd if David and I go to the Chiefs home opener. woot! Anyway, I am dead tired, and have my meeting tonight which normally would be stress free, however I need to get 15 interviews done which sucks, so I'm going early and hopefully I won't have to stay that late. If I can get 10 people, then get my big and a couple pledges on Thursday I'll be good...I just never see anyone other times to get them done. Then time to study for marketing which should be cake anyway. I'm hating the monotonous flow my life has become. Although, things are beginning to pick up so hopefully I will be comfortably busy :-). Soo, that's about that.